How on Earth can I be anymore obvious?

I start this as a plea. I plea for you to PLEASE stop calling BTR.

As our friend Lily Allen says, "How on Earth can I be anymore obvious. It never really happened, now it's never gonna happen with the two of us. I don't understand what it is that your chasing after, but it makes me sad to hear you sound so desperate. I just makes it harder."

Maybe you should just listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_5QWameMBA

Anyways, so BTR gives her digits to the bar back. I get it I guess, it's your most frequented bar these days and you're really not a bitch, so I can understand the need to not make the situation awkward. Little did you know, we were going to have a lil stalker on our hands!

Mr. Bar Back called, and called again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN.

Please read one of the most awkward and desperate (and omg why don't you know what it means when people screen your calls) voicemails I've ever had the pleasure of hearing.

"Hey BTR* this is Bar Back*, ummm I wanted to give you a call to apologize for last night. Wewe got a little busy but I could of broken away and chit-chatted with you guys a little bit, but the truth be told I got kinda nervous, You looked really pretty last night and I got little butterflies in my stomach and ummm by the time I got up the courage ya'll were walking out the door. ummm but anyway I apologize and im not normally this much of a putz and dont want you to think anything. ummm so I will see you tonight and ummm I will talk to you tonight but umm (insert creeepy ass laugh) but just wanted to call and apologize and umm im sorry i was a lame ass and have a good day. Have a good day hope to see you tonight if not I look forward to seeing you next time. Talk to you later."

And yes, it was 7 min long.

So here's my question, why does he keep calling? He left this message on Saturday, and since then has called 2 more times. Get the hint dude. She doesn't asnwer because she's "just not that into you." Someone please send him the book.

At this point, we're all volunteering to tell him ourselves. What would you say? I think I'd say exactly this, "Dear Bar Back Boy, I believe that you've somehow mistaken my friend's intentions. Now, you may think she ignores EVERYONE's call because she's so incredibly busy, and that it's not just you. But honey, that's not the case. She has the swine flu."